In case you haven’t heard, we’re Floridians now. Yep, it’s official. And so far we’re loving it. We have been able to jog most days without having to wear gloves and a hat, and then rush back home to hold our hands in front of the wood stove until they stop looking white. We have been to the beach…wearing our suits…and it wasn’t a Penguin Plunge. We’ve been on a couple of bike rides. We took the kayaks out (using our own community boat ramp). And I just came in from fishing across the street (caught a bluegill that was just a tad bigger than my lure).
We have seen a ton of cool birds (I had to chase some away from our bird feeder that were almost as tall as me). I can’t name them all yet but there are cranes, vultures, pelicans, and some funky-sounding ducks that fly by every morning and evening. We even have a resident gator that suns himself most days in the pond across the street (yes, the same one I fish in…doh!)
We have been surprised by how uninsulated this house is. Further proof that just because it’s beautiful doesn’t mean it’s functional. Earlier in the month we found ourselves cranking the fireplace to warm our hands, saying to ourselves “Um, didn’t we just drive many, many miles to get away from this crap?” And yet most days we open up the front door and the rear sliders and let the breeze blow in.
A little while ago I made up another batch of lemonade, using fresh lemons from our tree out back. Right now the tree is totally full, and we get new ones that fall to the ground every night. Next to it is the lime tree which has been blossoming, creating an incredibly sweet smell that attracts more flying creatures than we can count. A few more months and hopefully there will be homemade lime pie in our future. Or at least some type of lime-flavored frozen drink. When I go on my jogs, I have been stopping at an orange tree that is on the edge of the golf course to bring back a fresh orange each time.
Damn.
But of course we had to get here first, and this is the chronicle of that trip.
We got up early on Dec 30th. And I do mean ‘early’. I remember when we were younger and we were more likely to stay UP until this time of the morning…not WAKE up at this time.
The house was pretty sparse at this point. We spent the last few nights on a futon mattress on the floor of our bedroom. It was like a dorm, but without the pizza and beer stains.
We had both cars stuffed. With all the plants we had in there they looked like a couple of greenhouses. I also had all the fish and their water. I can’t even imagine the kind of ride they had.
Oh…and I had the cats too. I was looking at three straight hours of frantic mewing at the start of each day, but I didn’t know that yet. Yee haw!
And away we go. A balmy 30 degrees out.
Since it was dark out for a while, taking pics was impossible. There wasn’t any good daylight until we got close to NYC. For a second I thought this said “BUCKNER Exp”…like “Great, they named a damn road after poor Billy B”.
I forget but I think this was in fact the George Washington bridge. All I know is there were enough dips and potholes and other goodies to qualify this part of the drive as an amusement park ride. The fishies were NOT amused.
Warming up…now 37…HAHAHAHAHA!
I think this was some industrial area in Jersey.
And this one makes total sense to me…a non-descript, huge-ass freezer facility, no doubt conveniently located near some historic Mafia dumping grounds. Hmmm…
Never been to Atlantic City. Not sure I really care either. But we both agreed when we finally got to our new home that if we ever did this drive again, we would take more time and check out some places along the way.
Welcome to Delaware…the Cut Your Ass Off In Traffic state. Thanks buddy…do me a favor and STAY THE F UP HERE!!!
Welcome to Maryland…sorry, can’t stay!
These cranes reminded me of those AT-AT walkers from Star Wars.
And from this same pic, if you look to the right the sign that is cut off says something that was very common up North…”Last Exit Before TOLL”! The general pattern we saw was that the roads in the North sucked, and you had to pay to use them. The roads in the South were beautiful, and free. I like this pattern. We have yet to see a pothole down here.
Makin’ progress…ass is hurtin’.
I’m at a loss on this one. Is that thing even street-legal? Something tells me if I stopped them and asked, I’d get shot.
I bet one of the reasons some people can tend to be so grumpy is that they get raised in towns with dumb-ass names. Scaggsville…WTF is that? Talk about developing a complex.
Virginia is for lovers. And traffic. This area turned out to be the worst part of our adventure. Traffic was awful. Dangerous too. We’d be doing 70, and then BAM…20. Or a dead-stop. One of those times is when I had to brake a bit too hard, and stuff behind me went flying, including one of the fish buckets. Luckily the fish stayed inside. And why did we screech to a halt? Because there was a cool-looking building on the left just off the highway. No shit. People saw that and slowed down. Dumb-asses. DON’T SLOW DOWN LIKE THAT ON A FREAKIN’ HIGH-SPEED HIGHWAY!!!
This is us cruising by the capital. Yes, that speck is the Monument.
A while after this we had had enough and pulled off to escape the insanity. And ran into more insanity. This was exit 156 in Dale City. We just wanted some gas and some food, but it was zoo-city, and all the food places specialized in deep-fried crap. Or they had Spanish-sounding names we couldn’t pronounce. I swear it was like we entered the Twilight Zone. As I was writing this trip report, I was looking up info on the shopping plaza we went into, and one of the first results was “Man Stabbed in Dale City’s Ashdale Plaza”. Great. It even mentioned a homeless camp nearby. Sweet place. Bring the family.
We gassed up, and then got back on the road to do a U-turn at the light to get back to 95. And just as we get there a work truck STOPS in front of us, and proceeds to set up shop to do some work. Really? Now? Right now you gotta do this shit? So now we have to get back out into the travel lane to our right and go to the next light. Does anyone let us out? Nooooooooo. Because it’s obvious we’re trying to pull a fast one here, right?
We finally get to turn around, and after waiting forever at a half-billion traffic lights we finally get back to the intersection where the workers blocked us in. And of course now they are leaving. BASTARDS!
We go to get back on the highway…and there’s more traffic. Wow. This is probably why Google’s directions steered us around this area I bet. Too bad we missed that exit! Calgon, take me away…
Welcome to Tobacco Country. Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.
You can’t tell from the pic, but these over passes were crazy-high. Not the place I’d want to be during any type of quake.
Self-portrait. I’m sure people were wondering what the F I was doing.
Hard to see but that’s Melissa directly behind me.
Sixty-two degrees…now we’re talkin’!
This cracks me up. So for the next thousand miles, the only two places worth noting are Rocky Mount, NC, and Miami. That’s it. Ain’t nuthin’ else in between folks. If yer not goin’ to Rocky Mount, then jus’ keep on drivin’ till you hit Miami cuz the rest of that stuff in da middle is crap.
Exit 176. This is what happens when you wait too long to do your blog posts…you ferget why the heck you took a pic of an exit sign!
“WILSON!!!!!!” Actually we’re heading to Fayettville, but I always have to do a shout out to Tom Hanks whenever I see that word.
I have GOT to see this place some day. JR has it all. We saw sign after sign advertising their stuff. Cigars…books…toys…jewelry…even porcelain dolls. Sheesh.
We were finally getting close to Fayetteville. Thank God too because it has been a whole lotta sittin’.
We checked into our hotel, an Econo Lodge. I know I make fun of the name but the place was kinda cool actually. Only drag was that the “pet friendly” rooms were also next to the smoking rooms. Kinda makes sense I guess since I put cat-pee and cigarette smoke in the same category. Actually given a choice I’d take the cat pee.
The check in girl was friendly as can be. We got settled in and then walked over to the local Ruby Tuesday. Had a great waiter. Guy was an overly-friendly goof and we loved it. I was betting he was a stoner but it didn’t matter. He was just too damn happy.
We sipped wine in the room and crashed. Dora spent the night all comfy on the foot of the bed between us. Not sure where Luna was. She woke me up by chewing on the bed post next to my head. Then she hopped on top of Melissa. Twit.
We packed things up and headed out before dawn.
As we drove through South Carolina, it seemed pretty clear that the only thing to do there is to keep driving until you get to Savannah, GA. That was based on all the signs we saw that kept telling us to “Go see Savannah!” Keep driving! South Carolina has nothing but scary people. Drive fast until you get to Savannah!! DON’T STOP!!
Are we there yet????
This dude had *everything* packed up. I think I spotted grandma strapped in behind the wheel of the Jeep.
Again, what’s with the town names people? Is this a place to live, or something you might catch if you hang out with the wrong type of women?
One thousand miles!! Nice temp too for 8:40 in the morn. I can dig it.
Shut the front door…first signs of Florida! And that better not be a sign for Brunswick, Maine.
“Thank you for visiting South Carolina. Now stop reading this sign and GET YOUR ASS TO SAVANNAH LIKE WE BEEN TELLIN’ YOU!!”
Palm trees baby…that’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout.
Well, to be honest it’s FLORIDA that’s on my mind. And wasn’t 1996, like, a looooong time ago?
Yup…figures. Georgia and Hooters.
And big cows. With straw hats. And earrings. OK kids, let’s jus’ keeeeeeep drivin…
South Newport? No damnit…FLORIDA!!!! Not Rhode Island. WTF.
Seein’ way too many NY plates. Now THOSE are the real ‘Damn Yankees’.
I really do like the signs down here. At least they have fun with things.
Yippee ky aaaaa (I’ll leave off the “MF’s” part)!!!!
Now the big question…will our two Rolling Greenhouses get any unwanted attention from some bored trooper.
Nope, not a big deal at all. And check it out…seventy four. Damn that’s sweet.
I think I’ve seen these before but still kinda funny.
This cracked me up…sign after sign encouraging the purchase of fireworks…
MORTARS! ROCKETS! MEGA-BOOMERS! BLOW – SHIT – UP PEOPLE!!! DO IT NOW!!!!
And then this at the end…haha…”Did you blow your fool head off with fireworks? Call us, we can help. We’re experts at getting your headless torso the compensation it deserves.”
Dunkin Donuts!!!! They’re civilized here!
Then again, maybe not. Rollin’ up the windows now. Surprised it didn’t also advertise small children for sale around the back. At least it’s a place where your average Florida couple can find something they BOTH will like. “Yeah, uh, I’ll take that Glock overe there, and uh, how about those pearl earrings too. Those are real, right, not them freshwater kind I hope.”
125 to Tampa. Good God the end is in sight.
Traffic. Ug. Crossing 301 was a pain. Not that I expect to make a habit of this, but there’s gotta be a better way.
Eighty…freakin’…degrees. In Dec. Awesome.
Saddle up, Melissa…we’re in Country country now. Hehehehe.
The main reason I decided to include this pic wasn’t because of the St Pete and Tampa reference…it was because of the condition of my WINDSHIELD. Look at all those big guts. Hahaha!
Saw one nasty accident. Just like everywhere, people do the same dumb, impatient shit…they get onto a highway (notice I didn’t say ‘merge’ cuz that ain’t what they do), and they they just gotta cut over as soon as possible. They did, someone tapped their brakes because of it, and it was all over after that. Too many cars too close together to handle a slight slow down.
LOVED this one. Cruisin down the highway.
But what I loved the most was the dude driving, AND holding the mattress down. “Two hands on the wheel? We don’t need to do that pansy-ass crap. Besides, if I let go we might lose the damn mattress. What are you, stupid or somethin? You ain’t from around here, is ya?”
Wow…Parrish…our new home-to-be. How sweet is that.
That’s it folks. Two days of driving…1,400 miles.
And when we got to our new home, it was New Year’s Eve, so the front gate (which we can see) was all lit up.
We had some champagne, and then crashed on a blow-up mattress. So begins our next adventure in life…
